Some times when its late, is when I really see things in prospective, that time where I am in bed laying their waiting to fall asleep, everything is so clear, so easy, so right, so a dream. I want those thoughts all the time. Instead I have to wake up and deal with everyday life and wonder why everything happens the way it does. I’m not a religious person to any degree, but I can’t say it would not be bad to sometimes just to say “oh! Silly Jesus!” Just to be able to point the finger.
To bad there is no way I will ever follow that path. I’m stuck in my “equilibriumest” styled world that drives me crazy! Just let me be happy for more that a day before I get kicked. When I win, I loss and when I loss, I win, only to bring me back to a whopping zero. A simple example would be with gambling. I will play and lose then a few days later win it back, so there is no point in me gambling I guess. Gambling is not the only thing, it’s everything in life. Something great could happen, like I get a new dog, but don’t get to happy, someone is about to die.
It would be a nice change for once to have something happen without something balancing it, let me be happy, or let me be sad, pissed, whatever! It’s all better then having multi emotions going on. “Oh look I cut my self, better do something about that. Sugars sweet, lets dump that in it. Now its infected and more irritating.
